Thursday, June 24, 2010

Phoenix Comicon Day Four: Out With a Bang…Or A Whimper…I Don’t Care, Just Please Let Me Out

I was beginning to realize that this whole sleeping in thing really works out pretty well, so I stuck with that. The only thing I’d missed the day before by sleeping in was the Jedi and Stormtrooper children’s training academies. They sounded worth checking out but I was happier not being punched by a helicopter parent enraged by a stranger taking pictures of their precious spawn, so I slept in. Sunday, however, the Stormtrooper academy was still going on by the time I’d dragged myself into the South Ballroom and, surprisingly, the gauntlets of parents were too busy awwing to notice me so I actually got some good photos.
The event was sponsored and run by the Dune Sea Garrison, Arizona’s chapter of the 501st Legion, the international, semi-official Star Wars cosplay organization. You might remember the Dune Sea G’s (as I assume they like to be called) from the faux-bikers at the Star Wars Mixer on Day 2.

They ran the kids through a crash course Stormtrooper boot camp, including thermal detonator tossing, marksmanship, and data retrieval. Hitting your head on shit was not covered.

Stormtrooper aim sucks, so the targets were set up quite favorably. Note that the Gungans are the only targets actively mocking the shooters. Goddamn Gungans.

This kid was a little too good at the target practice portion. I see a bell tower in his future.


The training works!


Next the younglings were put in helmets and sent through an obstacle course. This presented the primary lesson in being a member of the Imperial legion: You can’t see a thing in that helmet.


Pyew-Pyew!


“Hey, kid, welcome to the ranks of--”
“Fuck you, Vader, I run this shit now.”


This is the weirdest fan-fic I’ve ever seen.


Oof, right in the midi-chlorians.


The Imperial Trooper Training neatly abutted the Boba Fett/Darth Maul symposium. A lot of the attendees were disappointed because despite being named “Boba Fett VS. Darth Maul” the event was really just Daniel Logan, who played the young Boba Fett in Episode 2, and Ray Park sitting at a table talking for an hour. I actually really liked it, it was interesting hearing the experiences of Logan, an actor only a few months younger than me who began his Star Wars career when he was 12, and will now likely be doing conventions like these based on that role until the day he dies. I also discovered that after placing a call to George Lucas, Logan, a native of New Zealand, had his Green Card approved THE NEXT FUCKING DAY. That’s right, George Lucas can pull strings in the United States Department of Homeland Security, a fact which chills me to the bone.


My favorite part though was Ray Park. I’ve always really liked him; his early big films were stuff I was into like Star Wars and X-Men and he’s always seemed to take roles that seem fun to him. He’s also legitimately talented. There was a point where the moderator invited a little boy in the audience to have a light saber duel with Park. Naturally, Park didn’t have a light saber on him so he asked for one from the crowd. A guy in the front row tossed his SFX saber to Park on the stage, a solid 15-20 feet away, and with the grace of a ninja Park caught it by the handle and busted out the most graceful demonstration of light saber finesse you’ve ever seen. It was magical to see that behind all the CGI nonsense that Lucas burns through by the metric ton, a martial artist with an expensive glowstick can still truly impress you with the reality of the spectacle. As an aside, Ray Park really, really wants to play Batman. This is a good idea for a lot of reason, not the least of which being that his Batman voice is way better than Christian Bale’s.


Next up was Stan “The Man” Lee. This was bittersweet for me. As a kid, I idolized him. He’d created characters that I treasured. As an adult I had cooled on superhero comics but was still fond of Lee for all the joy he’d given me. Then when going through promotional material for Phoenix Comicon I saw that he charges $50 for an autograph. Granted he’s a legend, but Jesus, $50?! Back in the 1950s he was writing comics for booze-money and turned out to be good at it, but it’s not like he needs the money now. And even if he did depend on his autograph fees, he’s been doing these conventions several times a year for decades, no doubt selling his signature by the hundreds at every single one. Also, he actually signs his name “Stan ‘The Man’ Lee.” What. The. Fuck.

That all said, he is an interesting speaker. He’s very honest and straightforward about the success of his creations and comes off with the kind of self-deprecating humor that I would have expected of him as a child. I’m still torn between my admiration of all he’s done and my frustration at his (admitted) greed, but the audience was definitely enthralled and could not have been happier.


I decided to take a break from all the celebrity symposiums with the polar opposite of intoxicating fame: gamers seeking dating tips.


The Gamer’s Dating Service panel discussed how video game aficionados of all stripes can meet and prosper in the singles scene.


It was filled with pretty much the exact type of people you’d expect.


Black Link is on the prowl!


The panel was actually genuinely entertaining, and I sat through the whole thing. And the entire time a girl in cat ears and a little tail was sitting in front of me. I was really tempted to pull her tail, but I’ve heard that’s frowned upon in the cat people community.


A group of Mandalorian mercenary enthusiasts held a panel demonstrating how to fabricate your own prop armor. I only got to see a little bit of this panel but I did come away from it with the understanding that a lot of their armor is primarily made of plastic garbage bins and awesome.


I stopped by the Creating Custom Toys! panel for one reason and one reason only:


To get a shot of this awesome mental patient Joker statue. This marked the second time that weekend that I was tempted to commit felony larceny and possibly assault out of geek-lust for a painted hunk of plastic.


I stopped by celebrity row to see who was still loitering around there. Only Daniel Logan and Ray Park could be found. Wouldn’t it be awesome if they carpooled? Also, how much does Daniel Logan look like Elijah Wood in this photo?


Elsewhere in the Exhibitor’s Hall I found this example of failure in babysitting…


…Todd McFarlane did the world’s worst Wolverine impression…


…And the Go Daddy booth, realizing that the dinosaur from earlier made no sense, went with something much more on topic for a website hosting firm: a wizard in sneakers.


Paying for the full weekend really seems to be the smart move at Phoenix Comicon. You get to experience any event you want no matter what day it’s on, you can spend as much or as little time at the convention as you want and just come back the next day, and you get to experience the pretty steep discounts the vendors offer on Sunday.


That is the saddest crane I’ve ever seen sit on a young boy’s head. Poor sad head crane.


Good to see the free movie poster table continuing to stay theme-appropriate.


There were a lot of cool costumes at the convention, but this guy’s was by far the best. I caught up to him later and congratulated him on his authentic rendering of the Mayor of What-the-fuck-ville. He was not pleased.


This was a panel called “Joss Whedon is Still My Master.” It was packed. If Whedon ever chooses to militarize his fan base anyone who didn’t watch Dollhouse is screwed. Yes, all 307,006,500 of us.

I ended my Comicon experience the only way that seemed fitting:


Anime Let’s Make A Deal, of course!


It was hosted by our friends from
Panda Cubed and the earlier gamer dating panel and featured anime fans being offered candy and manga, with the option to upgrade for a mystery prize. Mystery prizes included children’s bikinis, dollar store notepads, and full-scale replica anime swords.

Oh, Black Link, this has been a big day for you.

This panel taught me two valuable lessons: One, people will always go for the potentially awesome long shot over the mildly pleasing sure thing.

A full-grown man wins a pair of uncomfortable children’s footwear.

Two, you literally cannot give away a box of Good & Plenty.

Even Fred Flintstone, infamous devourer of undercooked Brontosaurus meats, refuses free Good & Plenty. THAT IS HOW AWFUL GOOD & PLENTY TASTES.

Anime Let’s Make A Deal was good fun and all (watching people in costume be humiliated and disappointed through gambling never gets old) but I really wanted to end on something big. Sadly, this was really the biggest thing the convention had going on to cap off the weekend. There was a Con Wrap-Up with some behind-the-scenes convention staff, but it was god-awful boring. Anime Let’s Make A Deal really was a fitting ending to my experience, because it typified what makes these conventions worth going to. Even after the celebrities have gone home and the merchant booths have closed, the fans will hang out until the last minute, dressed like fools, having the time of their lives laughing at, and with, each other.

Plus, Panda Cubed is still adorable. If you're reading this, Panda Cubed:
Call me?

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Phoenix Comicon Day 3: Hey Everybody! Celebrities!

After an extremely long day on Friday, I decided to rest my weary feet and sleep in on Saturday. There wasn’t really anything I felt like seeing until 1:30pm, so I took it easy and got to Comicon around noon…


…That’s when I realized this was the big day. Despite all the activities the day before, this was the day that drew the biggest crowd. People who had paid a reduced price for a single day’s admission had clearly chosen this to be that day. And why?


Celebrities! C-list, mildly-bored celebrities! For most of the famous folks this was the first day of appearances, so people had come out in droves to make awkward banter with (1) Spike, (2) Darth Maul, (3) Boba Fett (sort of), and (4) The Hulk. A lot of celebrities were charging for just about anything they could. Headshots, autographs, photos with fans; if Lou Ferrigno could find a way to breathe into jars and sell them for 20 bucks I have no doubt that he would. Fearing the righteous wrath of the cast of Buffy I only took a couple quick candid shots of the celeb tables before wandering around to check out what else was going on.


This guy did a great job on his W.C. Fields costume.




The Star Wars pavilion was always fun. If there was any time during the weekend when I was tempted to grab something off a table and bolt for the exit, it was while looking at these helmets.


The guy inside this costume would hold perfectly still until someone tried to pose with him, then he’d put his arm around them. Watching Star Wars fans crap themselves in fright should be a TV show.




These guys were painting in the middle of the exhibitor’s hall. I don’t know if they had decided on the theme “Jailbait Robin” ahead of time or if it was a moment of artistic synergy, but either way it was well rendered.


A convention goer desperately tries to find the Phoenix Convention Center’s mythical free wifi.


On the other side of the hall I found this living example of elder abuse, in the form of an old woman abandoned by a her grandkids for Will Wheaton autographs and overpriced resin figurines.


….Ok, maybe scratch the “living” part.


I stopped by the Dragon Ball panel solely to take this photo. Anime kids never disappoint.


Will Wheaton and Felicia Day hosted the first of the day’s many celebrity symposiums, this one talking about The Guild which, from what I could gather, is an energy drink or some kind of candy bar or something?


I like steampunk, I really do. I even have my own steampunk persona:


But I have a hard time with other people who are into steampunk. There’s something about guys who are willing to actually grow and wear period accurate facial hair every day to make their characters "authentic" that wierds me out.


...I also can’t grow a proper mustache so I’m kind of jealous.


Outside the Steampunk Fashion Show people were taking tons of photos of these sweet Dr. Who costumes.


Back in the celebrity symposium ballroom the guy who played Bo Duke on The Dukes of Hazzard was still talking about what it was like to play Bo Duke on The Dukes of Hazzard.


In Star Wars news, the Jedi Council is less impressive in person…


…And I got a photo of these two adorable Sith cheerleaders. “Go Evil!” I heard them exclaim before they Force pushed their way through the crowd, skipping and giggling the whole time.


James Marsters was a big draw at this year’s convention. Several of my (female) friends were jealous I got to be in the same room as him, and some even considered going to Comicon solely to see him. Anytime I see that kind of devotion to an actor known for geek-centric work I take my enthusiasm down several notches and plan on them being nothing special, but I was pleasantly surprised with Marsters, he’s actually a really entertaining speaker. I was previously aware of him, I knew he played Spike on Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel, but I’d never really watched either of those shows. Still, I found his whole talk really interesting. Anyone who casually relates acting to the process of stealing a car tends to hold my attention pretty well. He also shares my deep appreciation for the casual elegance of the V-neck tee.


The Secret Life of a Cosplayer panel was filled with pretty much the exact kind of nightmare fuel you might imagine.


The Star Trek: The Next Generation reunion symposium featured Will Wheaton, LeVar Burton, and Jonathan Frakes making jokes about pedophilia for two hours. Seriously, it was that awesome. I grew up watching Star Trek: TNG every night in syndication as a kid and getting to see three of the recurring actors goofing off and ribbing each other was really enjoyable. Burton and Frakes had a good laugh at Wheaton’s attempt to grow a beard, together the whole group agreed that when Patrick Stewart twirls it is very “mincy,” and I teared up a little when Burton sang the theme to Reading Rainbow. The whole thing was especially impressive considering that with the lives of heavy convention rotation these guys live they probably have these “reunions” in some form or other at least a couple of times per year. Even so, nothing felt stilted or forced, they genuinely seemed to be having fun, and that made watching them fun.

When I came back from dinner I checked out the Masquerade Costume Contest. I’d screwed up my scheduling and had missed the first half, but like all ballroom events the Masquerade proved god awful impossible to photograph anyway…


…Still I managed to get this photo of the Blue Man Group’s gritty new reboot…


…These Teen Titan cosplayers performed to music and highlighted the difficulties of dancing in latex short pants…


…This trio performed the weirdest rendition of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer I’d ever seen…


…And this guy showed off a costume consisting of, as far as I could tell, tiny cowbells rigged into the shape of a crescent moon. It was very…windchimey. He actually won a prize for the costume. I believe it was for originality, but only because there was no prize for being batshit insane.


While the contest judges tabulated their votes, entertainment was provided by the Bad Cactus Brass Band, who performed famous science fiction theme songs as interpreted by John Philip Sousa…


…And I discovered that apparently the eldest Jonas brother has fallen on hard times.

I kid the band, but they were actually quite good and kept the audience’s attention for the ten minutes they were booked. Unfortunately the judges deliberation on which furry was the least creepy took close to half an hour. In the ensuing awkward silence left by the band’s departure most of the audience slipped out and my bladder almost burst from trying to hold my multiple glasses of dinner wine.


The judges made up for the delay by giving out some pretty sweet prizes in the form of pricey SFX light sabers. This made for a lot of contestants looking like the living incarnation of cross-genre fan-fiction, except for this one who I swear had a speaking role in Episode 3.


I thought this Wonder Woman was going to punch me in the throat when I asked if I could take her picture. Even so, she still managed to pull a true to form pose before shuffling away, cursing quietly.


I ended my night with Anime Singled Out which featured the predictable amount of ball-crushing insanity and horror.

Pictured: Insanity. Also pictured: Horror.

I rode back to my hotel weeping gently and steeling myself for one final day. I was almost out, but before Comicon would allow me to escape it's clammy grasp I would have to get past one man, the veritable king of comic book conventions: Stan Lee.

Coming Soon Phoenix Comicon Day 4: The Thrilling Conclusion