I was beginning to realize that this whole sleeping in thing really works out pretty well, so I stuck with that. The only thing I’d missed the day before by sleeping in was the Jedi and Stormtrooper children’s training academies. They sounded worth checking out but I was happier not being punched by a helicopter parent enraged by a stranger taking pictures of their precious spawn, so I slept in. Sunday, however, the Stormtrooper academy was still going on by the time I’d dragged myself into the South Ballroom and, surprisingly, the gauntlets of parents were too busy awwing to notice me so I actually got some good photos.
The event was sponsored and run by the Dune Sea Garrison, Arizona’s chapter of the 501st Legion, the international, semi-official Star Wars cosplay organization. You might remember the Dune Sea G’s (as I assume they like to be called) from the faux-bikers at the Star Wars Mixer on Day 2.
They ran the kids through a crash course Stormtrooper boot camp, including thermal detonator tossing, marksmanship, and data retrieval. Hitting your head on shit was not covered.
Stormtrooper aim sucks, so the targets were set up quite favorably. Note that the Gungans are the only targets actively mocking the shooters. Goddamn Gungans.
This kid was a little too good at the target practice portion. I see a bell tower in his future.
The training works!
Next the younglings were put in helmets and sent through an obstacle course. This presented the primary lesson in being a member of the Imperial legion: You can’t see a thing in that helmet.
Pyew-Pyew!
“Hey, kid, welcome to the ranks of--”
“Fuck you, Vader, I run this shit now.”
This is the weirdest fan-fic I’ve ever seen.
Oof, right in the midi-chlorians.
The Imperial Trooper Training neatly abutted the Boba Fett/Darth Maul symposium. A lot of the attendees were disappointed because despite being named “Boba Fett VS. Darth Maul” the event was really just Daniel Logan, who played the young Boba Fett in Episode 2, and Ray Park sitting at a table talking for an hour. I actually really liked it, it was interesting hearing the experiences of Logan, an actor only a few months younger than me who began his Star Wars career when he was 12, and will now likely be doing conventions like these based on that role until the day he dies. I also discovered that after placing a call to George Lucas, Logan, a native of New Zealand, had his Green Card approved THE NEXT FUCKING DAY. That’s right, George Lucas can pull strings in the United States Department of Homeland Security, a fact which chills me to the bone.
My favorite part though was Ray Park. I’ve always really liked him; his early big films were stuff I was into like Star Wars and X-Men and he’s always seemed to take roles that seem fun to him. He’s also legitimately talented. There was a point where the moderator invited a little boy in the audience to have a light saber duel with Park. Naturally, Park didn’t have a light saber on him so he asked for one from the crowd. A guy in the front row tossed his SFX saber to Park on the stage, a solid 15-20 feet away, and with the grace of a ninja Park caught it by the handle and busted out the most graceful demonstration of light saber finesse you’ve ever seen. It was magical to see that behind all the CGI nonsense that Lucas burns through by the metric ton, a martial artist with an expensive glowstick can still truly impress you with the reality of the spectacle. As an aside, Ray Park really, really wants to play Batman. This is a good idea for a lot of reason, not the least of which being that his Batman voice is way better than Christian Bale’s.
Next up was Stan “The Man” Lee. This was bittersweet for me. As a kid, I idolized him. He’d created characters that I treasured. As an adult I had cooled on superhero comics but was still fond of Lee for all the joy he’d given me. Then when going through promotional material for Phoenix Comicon I saw that he charges $50 for an autograph. Granted he’s a legend, but Jesus, $50?! Back in the 1950s he was writing comics for booze-money and turned out to be good at it, but it’s not like he needs the money now. And even if he did depend on his autograph fees, he’s been doing these conventions several times a year for decades, no doubt selling his signature by the hundreds at every single one. Also, he actually signs his name “Stan ‘The Man’ Lee.” What. The. Fuck.
That all said, he is an interesting speaker. He’s very honest and straightforward about the success of his creations and comes off with the kind of self-deprecating humor that I would have expected of him as a child. I’m still torn between my admiration of all he’s done and my frustration at his (admitted) greed, but the audience was definitely enthralled and could not have been happier.
I decided to take a break from all the celebrity symposiums with the polar opposite of intoxicating fame: gamers seeking dating tips.
The Gamer’s Dating Service panel discussed how video game aficionados of all stripes can meet and prosper in the singles scene.
It was filled with pretty much the exact type of people you’d expect.
Black Link is on the prowl!
The panel was actually genuinely entertaining, and I sat through the whole thing. And the entire time a girl in cat ears and a little tail was sitting in front of me. I was really tempted to pull her tail, but I’ve heard that’s frowned upon in the cat people community.
A group of Mandalorian mercenary enthusiasts held a panel demonstrating how to fabricate your own prop armor. I only got to see a little bit of this panel but I did come away from it with the understanding that a lot of their armor is primarily made of plastic garbage bins and awesome.
I stopped by the Creating Custom Toys! panel for one reason and one reason only:
To get a shot of this awesome mental patient Joker statue. This marked the second time that weekend that I was tempted to commit felony larceny and possibly assault out of geek-lust for a painted hunk of plastic.
I stopped by celebrity row to see who was still loitering around there. Only Daniel Logan and Ray Park could be found. Wouldn’t it be awesome if they carpooled? Also, how much does Daniel Logan look like Elijah Wood in this photo?
Elsewhere in the Exhibitor’s Hall I found this example of failure in babysitting…
…Todd McFarlane did the world’s worst Wolverine impression…
…And the Go Daddy booth, realizing that the dinosaur from earlier made no sense, went with something much more on topic for a website hosting firm: a wizard in sneakers.
Paying for the full weekend really seems to be the smart move at Phoenix Comicon. You get to experience any event you want no matter what day it’s on, you can spend as much or as little time at the convention as you want and just come back the next day, and you get to experience the pretty steep discounts the vendors offer on Sunday.
That is the saddest crane I’ve ever seen sit on a young boy’s head. Poor sad head crane.
Good to see the free movie poster table continuing to stay theme-appropriate.
There were a lot of cool costumes at the convention, but this guy’s was by far the best. I caught up to him later and congratulated him on his authentic rendering of the Mayor of What-the-fuck-ville. He was not pleased.
This was a panel called “Joss Whedon is Still My Master.” It was packed. If Whedon ever chooses to militarize his fan base anyone who didn’t watch Dollhouse is screwed. Yes, all 307,006,500 of us.
I ended my Comicon experience the only way that seemed fitting:
Anime Let’s Make A Deal, of course!
It was hosted by our friends from Panda Cubed and the earlier gamer dating panel and featured anime fans being offered candy and manga, with the option to upgrade for a mystery prize. Mystery prizes included children’s bikinis, dollar store notepads, and full-scale replica anime swords.
Oh, Black Link, this has been a big day for you.This panel taught me two valuable lessons: One, people will always go for the potentially awesome long shot over the mildly pleasing sure thing.
A full-grown man wins a pair of uncomfortable children’s footwear.Two, you literally cannot give away a box of Good & Plenty.
Even Fred Flintstone, infamous devourer of undercooked Brontosaurus meats, refuses free Good & Plenty. THAT IS HOW AWFUL GOOD & PLENTY TASTES.Anime Let’s Make A Deal was good fun and all (watching people in costume be humiliated and disappointed through gambling never gets old) but I really wanted to end on something big. Sadly, this was really the biggest thing the convention had going on to cap off the weekend. There was a Con Wrap-Up with some behind-the-scenes convention staff, but it was god-awful boring. Anime Let’s Make A Deal really was a fitting ending to my experience, because it typified what makes these conventions worth going to. Even after the celebrities have gone home and the merchant booths have closed, the fans will hang out until the last minute, dressed like fools, having the time of their lives laughing at, and with, each other.
Plus, Panda Cubed is still adorable. If you're reading this, Panda Cubed:
Call me?
No comments:
Post a Comment